An ode.

2006 was supposed to be a fantastic great year. As previous entries testify. Didn’t turn out that way though, in fact, it was one complete 360 degree turn of what it was meant to be. It was hell. The year was hell. I learnt in that year that I was actually capable of feeling so many emotions in a single day – didn’t know that before, usually it was just clear and distinct, I was either happy or sad. Go figure, yup. I realized that I was actually a really screwed up person inside. Helplessness is one of those demons I’m still desperately fighting.

Basically, to sum it all up – I screwed it up. The academic part - most definitely. It was a really important year and I failed miserably. I mean I didn’t literally fail exams (thankfully, still haven’t the slightest idea why I managed to pass every single subject…I know it’s divine intervention!), but I could have done a lot better. I was so caught up with everything else, so drained, so exhausted, so, tired. The mundane was catching up with me every single day. School was a drag. Actually, being alive was. No. I’m not being melodramatic, I couldn’t really grasp the reason for my existence, neither could I comprehend what I was actually trying to achieve. It didn’t make any sense. Things were supposed to be good. Moving was supposed to breeze. Finding a house was supposed to easy.

Then of course, there was my huge infamous crying episode… that drove everyone 8 hours away absolutely crazy. For two weeks. I was a wreck. For some total stranger whom, I didn’t really know. Yes apparently, till this day I don’t. Or so I claim. Despite the nice things he did, all the promises made, I still didn’t know him. Because if I did, I would have foreseen that episode coming and I would have better defended myself, instead of being the huge wreck that I ended up being. Honestly, even though I tell the story with a great deal of jest today, it sometimes, (secretly) still hurts. I mean which part doesn’t. I’m still recovering, slowly but surely…as my extravagant shopping sprees are testament to that. I spent a whole month moping, shopping and trying to smile. I couldn’t cry though, when I called… Because I felt I wasn’t allowed to. Crying meant that I had no strength and that I was, almost a disappointment. So maybe that’s why the healing took longer. It’s true you know, when they say that a small part of you dies for each and every broken relationship.

But of course, those things aside, who can forget the happy times. I thank the friends who did their utmost best, wherever they were to make me better. Friends who went out of their way, to push me on; Crazy nights out in town, stuffing faces and trying to avoid the horsepoo at the racecourse. Talks over gazillon cups of coffee wherever, whenever. Champagne, wine and cheese. Fish and chips, runs, body attack classes and just a whole host of cool things that allowed me to take my mind off what was really, really going inside. Of course, who can forget eel sushi, john mayer and my sister’s visit. Oh yes, then there was the mussel-stuffing, movie-watching, tea drinking, shopping filled, disgusting dorm sharing, screaming at Raymond perth trip that was, a blast.
My birthday party. The 21st. of Course, was a treat. So many people came, I got so many gifts, there was so much sharing, there was so much food, and alcohol…it was crazy. It was the best. The most heartwarming, the craziest thing and just too bad, I can only turn 21 once because, it would definitely be great to have one party like that every year. Aspiration 2,000,02…

I think I shan’t expect too much this year, this coming new year, which would in my mind, officially begins when my plane takes off from Changi airport on the 25th Feb. Goodbye comfortable and clean house, goodbye nice food and clean clothing without having to lift a finger. Goodbye late night Macdonald drive throughs. Good bye Jamie being 5 mins away. Goodbye car and nice warm sun. Hello to law, and dirty disgusting house. Hello to tram and train rides and pricey tickets that cost at least ¼ of my pay. Homesickness and a whole host of other diseases and illnesses that really, I can’t bare to think about. (SHIT. Really what was I thinking 3 years ago?!!!)

So there’s me. Walking faraway.