falling short.

of course today is a great, amazing day. I won't deny that. I won't even attempt to rob GOD of how wonderful he has made the day to be. Bright and sunny, the cute boys at Mr. Tulk out in full force (including Sylar who has disappeared for the whole entire span of my exams), the weather's warm and just right for a summer dress, I'm going shopping with the girls, making dinner for a nice few tonight and heck even the skin therapist says my skin is better (although I believe that it was greatly protesting the amount of stress I was putting it through coz' of exams). Coffee is great and I've got Sex in the City on replay with nothing much better than to do than mother the two who are preparing for exams.

Got rejected by Clifford Chance, but ok. So what. I'm dealing with it. I'm upset. But I am dealing. My cousin says I'm very much like Meredith, (of course I would rather be like Christina) but I'm starting to think I am - the thinking, the self-centredness BUT that's ok because there are days when I just need some time to just think about me. All about me. Whilst of course doing things for other people.

But somehow over the course of last night and this morning, between these two awfully nice and pretty days (with everything to be thankful for - yes including exams, including being here, including being alive, including being able to have copious amounts of coffee)..i felt like I've been cheated of something. I've fallen short. I feel like once again I've been compared to something that it's NOT that I don't wanna be there in that place, but rather I don't have a choice that I'm not in that position. I wish I had many things too but these things are not in my control. And I'm starting to accept it. But it's very hard for me to do so particularly when I've been put in a place, constantly though subtlely where the position I'm in is being questioned ever so often. I think I've done everything I can to NOT be in that position - but of course, things DON'T always turn out the way you want them to.

Have yourself a Merry little christmas,
Let your heart be light
Next year all over troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little christmas
Make the yuletide gay
Form now on our troubles will be miles away
- Have yourself a merry little christmas