annihilated.

If my life was a soap opera, i reckon it would be a pretty good one and if there is a God (i know there is), let me not have to move house again or have to pay extra rent if I still get to stay here.

My hours got cut because I keep cancelling work and I only feel indifference. Says alot doesn't it. Says alot about me, about my lacklustre attitude, says alot about how much enthusiasm I have towards my life at the moment

I don't apologise for moaning, even though I know that there are other people out there who are probably getting it so much worse than I am. I just find it so hard to be thankful when things just line up to keep filling up that particular portion of the plate that has already been emptied. I think if these few years have been any indication, I would never be able to live here or start a life here. Sometimes I feel at these particular times, if you throw me out to sea to see if I would sink or swim to survive, I would choose the former. Worrying but yes, I think I would choose the former. Happiness is so short lived these days, i try to be content but each and everytime, things would come and take it away. See, if I sunk, it would be like Meredith. But if I sunk, there would be nothing to worry about anymore. Does every other 22 year old worry so much? Isn't the world my oyster. For me to explore and for things to go good. So why?

i don' t know what to do. I'm lost. I wished that I could go hide my head in the sand, or just disappear/runaway from everything for a while.

help.

if you believe in karma, then I must have done something really terrible that's coming back now.......

"It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think..."
-ironic, alanis