For what is essential, is invisible to the eye. -Little Prince

I think sometimes we try to hard or rather I try to hard to be in control. But then it feels good to be control. It's hard for me to make sense of my life when I cannot be in control of things that I should have control over - like assignment deadlines, how neat my house is, whether my room is in a state of organised clutter. Those kinda things. I admit, I'm pedentic and neurotic about certain things, and these traits though not all the times extreme, will drive myself up the wall. I don't really know where I've been the last few days - things have been quite a blur lately.

This week, I forgot stuff that I don't usually forget, it was really worrisome to know that I'm suddenly so vulnerable and incapable of still being in control of these things that I ought to be. It's not big, out of this world, impossible to grasp things, it's simple everyday stuff. Not hard to remember and ought not to be hard to forget either. Just feels sometimes that the expectations of me, not the express, but rather the underlying ones gets too overwhelming. What I expect of myself gets too overwhelming too. At least works getting done even if I'm sleepless because I've been scaring myself into it. Still though, there's so much to do, not enough time, not enough energy. I really ought to just leave things as they are. That said, i seriously ought to stop whinging. rah.

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
You know I will
I will.
- The beatles.