love me. love you.: disappointment.

just of one of my very very spur-of-the-moment revelations:

"I think sometimes being who we are, what we are and the people we relate to, we are often blinded by the lack thereof of qualities of those that are around us. The people that we love, the people that we trust and the people that we are close to. Personally, I am a person (or at least I think I am) a person who trusts people too much, who often gives the people around me, the people that I've not met the benefit of the doubt and perhaps, in relation to those that I've learnt to trust, or trust as a factor is given, more, more of this thing called benefit. I see these people, through glasses that have been tinted to a great extent - ignoring their flaws and their obvious weakness, blaming these things on the circumstances. Very often thus, it takes a huge mistake or a culmination of a few of them to make me realise that these flaws are actually in existence and not, a mere figment of the imaginations of others. Consequently though, when shit happens. I pay and I'm the only one paying for it - paying for that faith in a person."

sorry, I am currently feeling like the shit of the whole world is on my shoulders, maybe because my mum and sis have just left and i'm alone again, maybe because i'm now having a happy hangover (as Rose calls it) or maybe it could just be because I'm shit sick and the only way to take my mind of being sick is sleeping or gymming

This said, i really had a fantastic easter. Better than I could possibly have imagined or comprehended. And blessed, very blessed in every sense of the word. Real family who came to visit, friends who sacrificed their sleep to help me move and once, for the first time in a very very long time I felt loved. and that I'm truly truly not on my own.