Happiness.
I've said before that I like to be in control. Being in control of the way I live my life is how I get security. It is how I feel safe, it is how I find the strength to wake up everyday and live. It is how I find the determination to continue despite everything that I find is not going my way. In fact, I find hopelessness in having to deal with what-ifs; when things are set in concrete, when there are too many things that have yet to be confirmed. In fact, Melbourne has been a breeding ground for one of the main mantras in my life, that is, it is better to have the power to be in control and have an affirmative decision rather than to just wait and see. But I pay for this through sleeplessness. Dreams and fears.
But you know, I got jolted once again in service today. Pastor Tim reiterated what so many people has been saying to me all along, that there is no point worrying about my future, there's no point fearing what the future will bring (no point worrying my house, no point worrying about Hongkong, where I'll be) but rather, i need to fear the NOW because that is what is REAL. There's nothing else to fear when you fear GOD, who is the creator of the NOW.
That said, it's still a tad hard for me to comprehend. Because I've been taught to plan for my future. Live my life for my future. Work towards this future that I want. And along with all that future comes with all the worrying that I do. It's not easy for me to not want things done immediately, to get an answer immediately. To know where I'm going after this chapter of my life blows over. I don't know.
Yet, I feel that I've still got alot of thinking and pondering to do about this.
P.s. God did send the house:)
P.P.S: The plans for January are still not confirmed. I have no idea where I'll be as of yet. Might be home half of January and in Melbourne the other half. Or I might be home for it all. I'm not worrying though, it's going to be a fun month. ha.
Not all who wander are lost.
- J. R Tolkien
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