paranoia, schizophrenia?

It's been a great last few days. I've had more fun, seen more places than I thought I would when I was looking forward to this holiday. Glowy came and obviously that in itself, made Melbourne a much better place, just by being here. Having her company made it even better. So thank you luopo, just reminded me once again that I'm not without friends. That I've got real, real friends somewhere - though faraway, but I do.

Then of course, there was the 3 day 2 night trip that took my cousin, my sister (who's here to visit) and I across the state, starting from the city, heading towards the Grampians, down to Great Ocean Roaad and across the bay. There was wonderful, beautiful, breathtaking sights to take in, such as the one below.

I saw the most beautiful blue in my life. The blue-st blue. Not too overtly blue, just the right mixture of the colours. I'll probably remember it for the rest of my life.

Time has passed so quickly though, too quickly that I can't help but feel that everything was but a illusion. My dreams and who I want to be, who I am, are illusions. I wonder if people sometimes know that it's tiring and stressful to be the naggy and paranoid person I am, I wonder if people are out there realise that trying to bear the responsibilities of simply being in this position is exhausting. I wonder. I really do wonder.

I'm currently in this state of "i-don't-know-what". It's so bad that even Timbuktu wouldn't save me.

somewhere in between
lifehouse

cant be losing sleep over this, no I cant
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, Ill have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning Ill have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I dont want to run away from this
I know that I just dont need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream