Hello Nicole Wong:)

The thing about being here, all the way in Melbourne, 8 hours from home is that you often miss major family milestones and family events. And often, the only way for you to stay in touch and updated is when your family remembers you and keeps you in the know. So for the lack of better of things to blog about other than my silly flu and sore throat (there's medicine that can cause insomnia!) and for the lack of better than normal miracles in my current circumstances (well except for coming home to tonkatsu don kindly whipped up by sarah - I love many many many)..i present you lot, the newest addition to my family, my baby cousin who's 22 years younger than me - OMG!

little miracle.

May every star you wish upon
And every hope you're hangin' on come true
Out of everybody in the world
There's no one who deserves it more than you
I hope you find
Everything you've been dreamin' of
Only good things
No in betweens just
Peace and love
- Peace and Love, Blessed Union of Souls

many a cake.

There's all of a sudden alot of cake in the house. It's like my dream came true (i've been craving cake see) but then now that there's so much cake, I'm afraid to open the fridge for fear that I would stuff my face with tiramisu that loookkks like it's got more cream than I would ever be willing to put in my mouth or rather, more cream than how much cream I've eaten in my entire life combined. It's my cousin's birthday that's why. That's why there's so much cake. I've been doing pretty well not buying cake when I crave it. I've just been having hot chocolates.

I don't even want to imagine how round I am now because honestly, i am. scarily so.

And oooh adding to all that cake...there's beard papa too - which I swear makes the best cream puffs since I've arrived in Melbourne. I never did fancy beard papa cream puffs back home, even though they were in abundance and could be found almost everywhere BUT now, they're like heaven. I suppose it's partially due to the fact that I'm possibly clinging on to anything that serves as remainder of home. Beard papa's happy food and thanx to barbara, i have half a dozen sitting on my counter top (just beckoning to me!) and I've already polished off one after gym (so much for self-control LAI YANTING!).

It's really besides the point that I'm sick with a newly developed flu and a sore throat that's driving me utterly insane (hello i'm gurgling with a mouthwash that's got iodine inside. really. the brown stuff that I(2) gets oxidised into!ugh.)

I've lately regressed back into pop. Guess who's on my playlist - Moffatts, Hanson, Blessed Union of Souls. These guys make all the achiness fly out of the window. Now, I can't wait for Saturday because there's ma professeur francaise est tres charmant and after Saturday, then's Sunday which means, hooray sleep in. I do so need those things really badly

and oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECKY DEAR!

I'll be there for you
When you need sombody I'll be there for you
When you want someone who cares
When you're down and feeling blue I'll be there I'll be there for you
When you call me, I'll be there I wanna show you how good it will be
Never needed anyone the way I need you right now
You know you'll never be alone anymore
We can make it, together It's gonna be all right
And if you look you'll find, I got you on my mind 'cause baby
- I'll be there for you. Moffatts

ouch.

I feel like this lump of dung now. Achy all over and utterly exhausted. I hate this stupid feeling. Rawr. I need to sleep. I feel hungry all the time and all I want to have is chocolate - it's a bad time of the month to be feeling this way. I'm so sleepy and i cannot do work. I don't feel like cooking and I'm a total bum. This already feels like forever - yawn.

I may take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Drink my worries down the drain
And fly away to somewhere new
Hop on my choo-choo
- Holiday in Spain, Counting Crows

certainty.

Well now, at least something in my life (or well, this summer) is certain. I know when I'm going home. ha. I know I'm doing summer, BUT I KNOW WHEN I"M GOING HOME NOW. so now, all that has to happen is:

1. Hongkong has to come through for me.
2. Find a good opthamologist for LASIK.
3. Bug Dr. Chin to fit me into his schedule.
4. Get accepted for an internship in Singapore at the end of February to nicely end summer
5. Finish applications (it's shit-loads)
6. Finish this semester in one piece.

and i would be a very very very happy girl.

Four seasons, seconds, flicker and flash I'm alone
A lonely scream provides the scene, it's no home
Every night I hear you scream
But you don't say what you mean
this was my dream but now my dream is flown

Im at the crossroads waiting for a sign
My life is standing stilll but I'm still alive
Every night I think I know
in the morning where did it go
The answers disappear when I open my eyes

I'm no stranger to this place
Where real life and dreams colide
and even though i fall from grace
I will keep the dream alive
I will keep the dream alive
- I will keep the dreams alive, Oasis

lots of loving.

I love how, with the ending of winter, people are gradually spending time sprawled across the lawns basking in the sun. The grass is also back in force.

I love how the warmer weather signals a day closer to home, where whether the sun shines or not - it's still warm and icky.

I love the way the orange of the setting sun coats everything in this amazing light - where even the gloomiest of colours become beauootiful.

i love the way my music takes me to a safe place. away from the hardness and tiredness of the day. Away from my troubles and it makes me leave everything behind.

I love that I was put through an education system where trying too hard wasn't kiasu, that made me learn my mother tongue, somehow foretelling that I would find my greatest solace in the likes of Jay, Gary, JJ and Alan.

I love how Australian politics is so theatrical in nature (and it becomes funnier with each election). It makes me laugh that in the past week one person admitted to being a "goose" and just today, we know that we're not ABOVE the rule of law.

I love the fact that the new Colombia mission landed safe back to earth - it's a relieve for me and a terrible amazement. read it here.

and Google earth is going to make stargazers out of all of us. Hooray to Google. The glaxay at my fingertips and on my 13-inch screen! Look here.

Those loves aside, I'm beginning to really cherish those one hour breaks between my classes where it's just me and my ipod, with coffee and papers. It's a good break for me.

and so i leave you, with my new friend. 24/7, all the time. and a bit of lyrics...

There's always something
In the way
There's always something
Getting through
But it's not me
it's You

Sometime's ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me
It's in You

It's all I know

And I find peace
When I'm confused
I find hope when
I'm let down
Not in me
But in You

I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
It's You
It's all I know
- You, Switchfoot

Thoughts.

I've had a string of thoughts run through my head in the last 12 hours. They're really random, but they're at two really different moments in my life.

I was sitting outside last night, next to the State Library waiting for Terence and Andrew to meet me for dinner and I was lucky enough to be stuck on a very pretty night. "Mr. Darcy" was playing on my ipod and it felt good just being there, watching people pass me by, alone...with my music and the lights to accompany me....

" It's so easy to just walk right by the State Library despite it being the most majestic building along Swanston Street. It looks rather like an old english colonial building with greek influences with it's majestic marble halls. It's even rarer to be be able to sit in front of it on a gorgeous night and admire the statues. There's Sir Redmond Barry who, appears to be standing guard outside the building, illuminated by Harry Potter-ish lights, flanked by two men on horses who, I'm sure played a grand role in the history of Victoria"

I had the loveliest of thoughts just sitting there and I loved it. Hardly do you find peace in the hustle and bustle of it all.

I had the weirdest of dreams that same night too. All I've been dreaming about is death, a love-lost, sadness and very much gloom. But perhaps, there is hope in that, because after every bad dream, I wake up in the morning to blue skies and glorious sunshine. Not a cold blast of wind to the face, but rather a warm and comforting one. I wake up having spent the night contemplating death, to look at myself in the mirror and be thankful that I'm living another day. We take too much for granted these days - i do at least. I take my time for granted most of the time, and a whole host of other things that ought not to be so easily dismissed.

Then today, I went for the international careers fair at Caufield. It was very much an eye-opening experience and huge slap in the face, bringing me back to reality. Very much of it was because I was once again reminded of the fact that very often, individual interests don't put you in a position where you can fulfil your dreams. I have to re-evaluate alot about where I'm going and what I want to do. Tough but true. Interests I think, have to wait. But it's not too late.

And you don't really mind,
And you're just wasting time
And you don't feel anything
You're a boy on a string
- Boy on a string, Jars of Clay

It was about time that something like that happened.

I tell you the amount of time that I spend on Facebook a day, or rather, Rose, Sherlynn, Rach and I is rather amazing, and honestly, it was about time some random dude did a study on it. The statistics and a host of other random things. Read it here. But I still like Facebook and I'm still an advocate of it because the messages thingermajigs are like MSN but way cooler.

Firstly, it is in REAL-TIME, this means that I get replies rather quickly especially when I know my dear friends are bored to death with trusts, jurisdictional clauses, way to avoid taxes or some other property legislation.

Secondly, when you leave links on the message boards, a snapshot of what the site contains or a preview of a news article is actually quoted - which does save heaps of time, especially when, for GOD-KNOWS-WHAT-REASON your internet is running at a tortoise's pace.

Thirdly, it's better than email because you can actually have like small conversations (similar to those over coffee) when your friend is almost halfway around the world. Makes not missing someone alot easier.

Lastly and most importantly, it's a good way to keep in touch even though, you're in the same damn university, the same damn faculty, and have classes in the same damn building (bloody tallest building in that area), you stil hardly see each other. It's better than not knowing what's going on with each other!

The world would be a lonely place,
Without the one that puts a smile on your face
So hold me till the sun goes down
I won't be lonely when i"m down

So i got you
To make me feel stronger
When the days are out and the hours seem much longer
I got you
To make me feel better
When the nights are long
It'll be easier together
- I Got You, McFly

Happy Birthday Daddy.

You were the one always on my side
Always standin by
Seein me through
You were the song that always made me sing
I'm singin this for you
Everywhere I go I think of where I've been
And of the one who knew me better that anyone ever will again

You taught me to run you taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside
Helped me hear the music of my heart
Helped me hear the music of my heart

You opened my eyes
You opened the door
To something I've never known before
And your love is the music of my heart

What you taught me only your love could ever teach me
You got through when could reach me before
Cause you always saw in me all the best that I could be
It was you who set me free
- You taught me, Justin Timberlake

Est-ce que tu parles maintenant?

It's strange how now, all of a sudden, I feel this sense of hostility and agitation towards me and I don't know why. I hope I am over-thinking but perhaps, since I've taken the greatest and biggest step - nothing is too big or embarrassing. Perhaps I should just open my mouth and ask. Afterall, the ability for me to articulate what's on my mind is and will be, one of my biggest assets.

Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
And there are times
I lose my worried mind

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I, in time, will come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You're my saving grace?
- Not myself, John Mayer

and sometimes you wonder.

Things were said to me today, not in a "i'm being mean" way, but rather from the perspective of a realist. You know, how I've always said that I knew where I wanted to go, where I wanted to be and how I have the greatest of ambitions which I'm absolutely not scared of working hard for. I've got my subjects for my next two semesters down to a pat, I've applied for every possible firm to be at least one step closer to my dreams and I'm trying to do all I can, everything that is within my power to get there. I'm trying the hardest I can already.

But know what, I don't know which is more depressing - knowing where you want to go and at the same time, not knowing whether you'll get there or not because it's not in your hands OR not knowing absolutely where you're heading and just see where life takes you at the end of it all.

I'm getting worried. Honestly I am. Because whether I'm graduating next semester or after two semesters, I feel that I'm in a predicament at the moment. I step forward and I seem to take two steps back. I try but I fall back harder. It's hard to be hopeful when there's nothing that is certain. Today, really today. Today I feel as if I'm utterly tired of trying, of chasing. Utterly, utterly tired. I want to drop all expectations as well. I wish too sometimes (quite alot now) that i was in first year coz' perhaps, there may have been some stuff that I would have done differently. I think sometimes, I live my life with too many regrets.

Day breaks and life is the darkest room
....
It feels like I've just woke up
and the world is just going up and up
And it's a long way here
And the big wheels they keep on turning
and you don't slow down you just keep on learning
- Sometimes I feel like Alice, Lisa Mitchell

babe. i know i don't write as well as you do..but i empathise. i do. -hugs-

J'aime beaucoup la francaise.

I have a new french teacher and il est tres charmant. He's from Marseille, he's got a french name, he calls me Madame (because he can only remember my name 2 seconds after calling me - perhaps not such a good thing!). Mais, tu est la francaise et tres bien. I really enjoy saturday mornings now, because not only it's a really productive way to spend my saturday morning, mais je peux regarder ma professeur que est charmante plus, the crossiants at Alliance Francaise are tres, tres, tres délicieux.

J'aime la technologie.

well well well. For the first time in four years, technology did not fail me. If they say that Singapore is a technological hub, I believe now, truly, that it is. Je suis desolee that I doubted you before. My goodness, not once did my webcast lag or was the screening blurry. I could see every bit of the Singapore skyline (which is getting prettier and prettier) and I could make out the faces of the hosts, the singers, the performers and gush at the fireworks. Most of all, yes most of all, there was the flypast with both the jets and their roaring engines. Even the paratroopers were on cue. The apache helicopters were tres cool especially when they did their amazing turns and so were the divers, who kinda just walked right out of the chinook and into the Singapore River.

Singapore River leh, how many times in your life do you get to even swim in the Singapore River?!!!!lucky blokes. and even more so, how many times in your life would you see the Singapore River clear of bumboats, river taxis and cool, touristy ferries from the past? It was fun. ha. but i've always only ever liked the front bits and the back bits, never the show coz' i'm starting to think it's the same, meme chose every single year. Oh well. Big clap for the humongous effort though.:)

In any case, it made me really nostalgic to see the Channel 5 logo (goodness knows how much i miss home), the benjamin sheares bridge, the Ritz (i had one of the best ever council memories there), the esplanade (Chic tea place, Max Brenner's and Hagen Daz), the bay (River HongBao and Stand Chart here we come..i hope!) and one fullerton. Gosh. It hasn't been that long BUT it feels like almost forever that I've been home. Complaining about the weather, complaining about the pervertic ah pek and refusing to take the bus, much to everyone's..yes EVERYONE's dismay. ha.

I will come away at the seams
Take hold of everything I can reach
Nobody told me that i'll be dancing in the dark
Retracing footsteps trying to make my mark

As we all unfold
Slowly things spin out of control
Tread carefully
There's pieces of me I'm still looking for

Now they say there's not enough to go round
No space for my two feet to touch the ground
you said it's easy to give everyone their space
An orderly cue don't step out of place
- Tread Carefully, Julie Collings

So dear Singapore, thank you for being a place that I've found the most special people and have enjoyed countless amazing experiences. For being a place, that I can always look forward to going back to. So here's my last HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..but just for this year:)

Majulah Singapura.

Happy Birthday Singapore:) And another year has passed, and I can't believe it's been 4 years now that I've not watched a good telecast of the national day parade, seen national flags hanging from the windows of the HDB flats, sleeping in on a public holiday, going for a run with the dad and enjoying a tres petite barbecue at the corridor of my flat whilst anticipating for the fighter jets to fly past my building, so that I can run from one end of my house to another.

Every year, I huddle in front of my computer, hoping that this year, the broadcast would be better (hello. technological advances!) but it's always ONLY good till my favourite part where the "live" webcast screws up, when the jets fly past. So i usually hear the sound of the jets, sing my majulah singapura and home (thank god only my cousin stays with me) and then give up.

and i do this because...

I do miss home, at most times it's the people but on another days sometimes, i feel this sense of patriotism. Patriotism that causes me to cry when I eventually return from Melbourne or when I just think about being home. Patriotism that makes me feel proud to belong to a small, yet BIG country that's wonderful in more ways than I actually complain about. Trust me. Public transport, cars, the efficiency of everything, the cleaniless, how cheap food is, the weather. We actually have really wonderful things that often don't seem to be much till you come and compare it with something else. Of course, like glowy says, I often wish that Singapore was alot of other things. But then, Singapore won't be Singapore if it was tres perfect. It's just good the way it is. Afterall, I did turn out rather alright I must say. ha.

That said, this year's national day celebrations for me is going to be any different. It's going to be a quiet celebration, where i'll have the national flag proudly displayed as my desktop wallpaper and i'll wear red and white just for today. I'll have all the national day songs playing on my ipod and I would secretly wish Singapore all the very best for another year in my heart, hoping that she will get these wishes. coz' i'll only ever be home there.

Happy National day!

and happy birthday dearest luopo:)

There's no place i'll rather be
You'll always be a part of me
And even though I've roamed the world
It's still my home i long to see

This is where
my family and friends grew up with me
So i'll cross the skies and sail the seas
To be where I want to be
- Where I want to be, Kit Chan

Trusts.

I trust you.
You trust me.
I trust my mum.
I trust my dad.
I trust my grandmother.
I trust the house i stay in.
I trust the food that is sold at the supermarket.
I trust Andrew when he says that steak near his place is good.
I trust that Victoria produces pretty delish wine.
I trust that Crabapple Bakery has good gorgeous cupcakes.
I trust KOKO BLACK's standard of chocolate.
I trust that chocolate would never fail me.
I trust Rose's taste in movies.
I trust Sher's appetite for red bean buns.
I trust that Rach is at least 50% Samantha.

See i trust alot of things.
And it's simple. Not in a roundabout, i-will-only-understand-this-if-you-give-me-drugs-way.

So damnit, why can't the bloody subject be simpler.

Qing tian pi li.

arty wednesday, thursday and friday.

If i could spend every week like this, i would be one of the happiest people around and perhaps, one of the most stress-free in a very ironic sort of way. It could have been a highly-strung out week for me, if not for all the art:). This week is Week 3 of uni and it marks the beginning of the uphill battle that I have to fight for the next 10 weeks. For one, I had to go to school practically everyday (to me, that is not normal ok. I have spent the last 4 semesters not having to go to school 5 days a week!). That said, i am living proof that art, the good ones, relieves stress. I spent this past wednesday, thursday and friday surrounded by art in all forms. There was the cinema, the gallery and the theatre.

Wednesday night was spent watching The Hottest State, a feature in the Melbourne International Film Festival with Rose. This was an autobiographical movie directed by Ethan Hawke and came with very good recommendations (i'm starting to take Rose's word for things - she got taste la. ha.). I thoroughly enjoyed it, though it struck alot of raw nerves in me. It was very honest. Honest about loving and losing, about loving someone and not have them love you back. About being emotional and growing up, about trying to find yourself and suriving, all at the same time.

Thursday afternoon was spent at the Guggenheim exhibition in the National Gallery of Victoria and I felt, it was worth every dollar that i paid to enter (and i'm not even saying this JUST because i'm such an art buff, but then again, no one would go if they don't appreciate right?! ha.). I felt drawn and moved by almost every piece from Penny Guggenheim's extensive collection of works. My favourite though, was this piece called, "a sale of the soul" which i can't seem to find a picture of. It was very abstract, but very very clear at the same time. It was an outline of two souls being pulled apart and drawn together at the same time, atop a seemingly contrasting yet blending colour palette of greys and pinks, peaches and blues. The artist utilised my favourite medium too, oil on canvas. It's nothing special, this medium that is, but to me, brushstrokes, colour and technique is very telling. The thickness of the lines, the merging of the colours speak volumes about the artist and his or her art. I like heavy oil on canvas pieces, where the artists tend to be generous with their paints, such that one line can change a piece's dimension and a dab of colour will add intricacy and intimacy. Art is a very pretty thing.

The picture above, is "untitled" by Dan Flavin and there is a poster of it above my bed at the moment. I love the way it draws you in. It lets me escape when i look into it enough and it makes me happy.

Friday was spent at the theatre watching Phantom of the Opera :). It's been a while since my last musical, the lion king, which i thought was rather fantastic as well. The cast was brillant and the music was astounding. What made it even better was the old colonial architecture of Princess theatre which made it even more "British".

If only all the art didn't go past so quickly.

ONG JIEHAN!!!

ONG JIEHAN...I MISS YOU. of course, I miss Jasmine too la. There's no one to come home to and there's no one to constantly go shopping with me and cook me a huge-ass chinese dinner OR clean my house in one afternoon OR listen to me whine about boys and a whole host of other random things that the both of you let me indulge in.

BUT

the purpose of this post is, in honor of, one of my greatest and closest friends...

I THINK I FOUND YOU A NICE BOY. hee hee. he's amazing. he's slightly older and i actually secretly think, that my mother thinks he's rather decent. muahhha.

constantly playing.

This song has simply been repeat on my ipod for two days now. It's just one of those songs that I feel absolutely comforted when I hear it. indulge me can?:)

寄　没有地址的信
这样的情绪　
有种距离
你　放著谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情　
能不能说给我听

雨　下得好安静
是不是你　偷偷在哭泣
幸福 真的不容易
在你的背景　
有我爱你

我可以　陪你去看星星
不用再多说明　
我就要和你在一起
我不想　又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽　是因为你
﹣我可以，蔡旻佑。