and so.

so the sister is leaving tommorrow. boo. hoo. hoo.

so. i've "bumped" into cute, smart boy twice this week(arguably!),which means that I might not get to see him for another two weeks. sucks. like hell.

so. tommorrow's sunday, which means holidays have ended. can't decide which is worse, that or having to get through the painful exams before getting to see John Mayer live and going home for summer

so. in a very strange, crazy way..my life could actually be making sense. in a very very strange, perverse sorta way. coz' after thinking about it, my life simply revovles around (in no particular order):

1. the sun (tommorrow's 26 degrees!!!!!!!) and all this erratic weather,
2. inane grumpiness (my sister would swear!),
3. cute boy appearing,
4. exams looming,
5. coffee-caffeine highs vs. withdrawal lows
6. gym insanity
7. weight obsessions
8. friends
9. family
10. whinging

So how's that for my life. ha. hai. you decide.

those talking pictures

Have I already mentioned that it's been a fantastic holiday. Time I put some photos on I reckon. Gloria's second trip to Melbourne was really such a blast. Thanx to joel, we got to go to heaps more places (you could say that I was simply tagging along?!!hee.) We went to Yarra Valley for wine, cheese and cows, then there was Mornington Peninsula for the fabled "picking-strawberries" and the brilliant view. Dropped by Dandenong Mountains too, where Joy attempted to finish a sundae the size of my head. Well something like that.

Gloria's recent trip though, I must say has been a rather mellow one as compared to her last one. ha. No getting pissed drunk. my only regret though, is that I didn't have more time with her.

No thanx to Monash. bah.

That said..here's a preview..there's more. here. ENJOY

ooh. and there actually are alot more photos, just that they're all over the place.

Not such a big world afterall

There's this new "friendster" like thing on the internet called facebook. It's pretty cool and definitely not a rip-off from all the other would be friendster like programmes. The first coolest thing is that it requires registration based on where you're currently schooling, which essentially means that you get to really keep track of where all your friends actually are. Which part of the planet, which part of that particular country. It's pretty neat because it places a location to just America. Furthermore, there's this "wall" thingy that pretty much keeps up with the "going-ons" of everyone real time (I mean of course, there definitely would be these issues of privacy and all those other nonsensical crap - but ah. just freaking enjoy it whilst it lasts la.)

Oh yes, it also lets you form groups, kinda like yahoo. But heaps better because it's got all the other features mentioned above. That essentially adds up to a rather neat programme. More advanced aged friendster. That said, going through the ACsians group, really the world is shrieking, albeit not at a very fast rate. Suddenly America doesn't seem that faraway with the telephone and skype, plus a whole host of other technological toys. Suddenly, seniors aren't just names without faces or uncontactable - after all, there'll definitely be someone who would know someone, who would know that person you're looking for.

That's how AC works.

Rather miraculous i must say.

paranoia, schizophrenia?

It's been a great last few days. I've had more fun, seen more places than I thought I would when I was looking forward to this holiday. Glowy came and obviously that in itself, made Melbourne a much better place, just by being here. Having her company made it even better. So thank you luopo, just reminded me once again that I'm not without friends. That I've got real, real friends somewhere - though faraway, but I do.

Then of course, there was the 3 day 2 night trip that took my cousin, my sister (who's here to visit) and I across the state, starting from the city, heading towards the Grampians, down to Great Ocean Roaad and across the bay. There was wonderful, beautiful, breathtaking sights to take in, such as the one below.

I saw the most beautiful blue in my life. The blue-st blue. Not too overtly blue, just the right mixture of the colours. I'll probably remember it for the rest of my life.

Time has passed so quickly though, too quickly that I can't help but feel that everything was but a illusion. My dreams and who I want to be, who I am, are illusions. I wonder if people sometimes know that it's tiring and stressful to be the naggy and paranoid person I am, I wonder if people are out there realise that trying to bear the responsibilities of simply being in this position is exhausting. I wonder. I really do wonder.

I'm currently in this state of "i-don't-know-what". It's so bad that even Timbuktu wouldn't save me.

somewhere in between
lifehouse

cant be losing sleep over this, no I cant
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, Ill have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning Ill have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I dont want to run away from this
I know that I just dont need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cuz Im waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And Im somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

.fucked.

well now that that's outta the way and, i've got just two and half hours of this absolutely unbearable day left to slug through, things are finally looking up. The sun's out, so my prayers have been answered because, it was absolutely freezing this morning when I woke up to go to school. I really did not want to come to school today because it would have been great if I had like another 2 million years of sleep (sleep debt. alot. alot).

that said, the only reason i'm here today is because there's this stupid fucked up presentation that I've gotta do with a group of people who's really not that efficient, despite appearing to be so

thank god for coffee. I tell you. thank god.

time has wings

Crazy. It still scares me how quickly time flies. This morning, I woke up extremely early to get work done and it was quickly time to head to school. Then of course, strangely enough, a two hours property lecture went by quicker than expected (then again, it could mainly due to the fact that I really enjoy property), so did a two hour research methods lab. So did body attack class. But that was all fantastic because it meant meeting gloria. :) whee.

Jiemei is coming on Saturday which I can't wait for. It really makes the whole notion that the rest of the world is on holiday and I'm not, a whole lot easier to bear. Every single bone in my body is itching to go into the sunshine and play. Despite the mountains of assignments, the looming exams, the insanity of my life, the disappearing and re-appearing of the cute Starbucks boy, my obssession with my immovable weight, the bills that I've gotta pay, the fact that it stil hurts sometimes when i think of him, the responsibilities that I've gotta bear, the chasing-afters that I've gotta constantly do to get things done (i'm actually getting tired of myself), I cannot wait to go into the sun and play

I've got so many people I love here. Gloria's here. So is Joy. Jiemei's coming. Home's there. Sun's out. Pretty pictures of the city. Studies are moving on (Credit for the property assignment. Not fantastic, but I've had a bad year.)

I know. Every single bone in my body knows...it's going to be a fantastic holiday. A fantastic start to the exams. ooh yes. Photos coming. Crazy singalongs. Chocolate and all things beautiful, pretty and nice.

reinvention.

It's been a pretty day. Today's gotta be one of the prettiest days in Melbourne. It's gotta be the warmest so far too. Sun beating upon our backs, thongs and FBT shorts, iced cold lattes. Sounds a tad like Singapore doesn't it? Well, today it was warm enough for day. You could say it was beautiful. In some sense it was. What was more beautiful though, was the quietness of the city on a sunday. Swanston Street was a picture of serenity, the tram trundling along, no shouts or screams, a lone man holding a huge cup of coffee just simply gazing into the distance, a tourist holding his camera at the intersection of bourke and swanston st, a jogger, mums and dads with their kids, the dogs, the strollers. It was beautiful. It was serene, definitely a marked constrast from the hustle and bustle, the hum drum of the city from Monday through to Saturday.

That said, it's that sight that makes me forget how much I dislike this place, takes you to another place, far far away. Where the world is quiet, where the warmth of the sun brings peace and the silence allows you to think and reflect.

I did another 8km run today. With Liane. I swear she's not going to believe what I say any longer ha. It was hard. Could have been the heat, could have been the fact that I've been only body attacking since the last 10km run..it was a good reminder though - that I have to run more..at least till my half marathon. Run. Run. Run. Take all my cares away

OOH. yes. finally cute boy makes another appearence. 3rd year med.ha.

It's actually a good feeling. To fall in love and have that person love you back.

I swear. I must be jinxed.

i forgot to bring my phone to school (or I could have dropped it. I can't remember)
but Fuck. I'm tired.

It really is.

It really is a beautiful day. Makes people wonder sometimes why, despite the sun, despite the infinite opportunities that are abound, I don't really like this place.
-shrugs- In all truthfulness, I can't be too sure either. It could be because I cannot take the sub-10 temperatures, or the rain and wind in winter, it could be because my family isn't here, it could be because somehow, in a very strange and ironical sorta way, my independence and my freedom to do whatsoever I like is stifled. I honestly, have no idea. I just know that, now if I was 10 years ahead of time, I can still imagine myself saying that I would never call Australia my home. Things might change in a few years, when work beckons and I'm more settled in this foreign land, when there are things that might keep me here, when there are ties to bind me - as for now though, I cannot wait to go home. I can't believe home is just there now. still too far to reach, but yet, not too far to see.

Those things said, I kinda know what I'm going to be doing in another 2-3 years down the road.

yes, I do..so that's the light at the end of the tunnel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I swear. I swear. Today, coming home from gym I'm sure I smelled bak kwa. or some barbercue thing of some sort. Yup. Most definitely. Apparently though, it could be my imagination because I've been the only one smelling things today, including that whiff of indian spice that came wafting through my window. I suspect, in any case, it could be perhaps my PMS-ing hormones in action, craving chocolate (alot) of chocolate, perpetually hungry, tired (with very bad dark eye rings), grumpy and oh-so-irritable (inject some really racist comments here!). That said, I had my really spicy mee goreng today, with my 25% less calories dark chocolate. I'm content. and now I'm kinda sleepy.

it's good it's thursday tommorrow because that leaves like less than 10 days till my favourite person arrives. whee

I tell you, my gym instructor may be old, but he's cute. oops.

Pure. Pure ambition

Every single time i attend one of the monash law competitions, whether it's mooting, negotiation or the bevy of other finals and events that the monash law LSS organises, I'm always reminded on one hand why I chose to do law and why I really want to practice, on the other, it always makes me questions whether I have the capbilities and abilities to become who that I dream of becoming. It's always scary and pleasant at the same time to see people your age excelling at things that you can only really imagine yourself doing. I mean of course, it could be as simple as just getting out there and putting yourself in a place where it's just too far (as opposed) to close for comfort. It really really sucks sometimes.

Today's negotiation competition which I attended with Rose just reminded me, though not in a in-your-face kinda way, but more to the extent of that pure ambition wouldn't get you anywhere. Ambition without hard work or good grades, seriously. Doesn't. Does not get you anyway.

you know, I really want to work in a big firm, and be the best at what I do because it really feels good to know every single thing and know exactly what you're doing, but yet at the same time, I'm not sure. I'm not certain (and I hate not being so) about where I'm going to be, what place am I going to be at at the end of this whole fiasco, these two degrees, these strange, painful yet sometimes so enjoyable experience of being at school. And truthfully, it scares me because I really don't wanna be a bummer for the rest of my life.

i'm better than that and I know that full well.

That said, my exam timetable is out and I think I won't say when I'm going to go home, perhaps it'll all be a mystery, then I can sneak home like how I sneaked away.

delirium

No. No. No. It wasn't hot that night, it ws freezing actually. Rain and such. But it was a great night and if law ball's are indications of future things to come, it's another reason why I am going to become a really good lawyer. And yes, yes, yes though some might say it's so materialistic to think that way, how can you possibly every fault anyone for actually wanting to enjoy themselves, even if it is in a materialistic, physical sorta way. It was a huge contradiction that friday night. Geeky, textbook carrying law students all transformed. I mean yes, although not everyone goes to school in a jumper and trackies (unlike me!) but yes, we in fact all do (most of us anyway) lug over laptops and textbooks to school, hang out at our library till the wee hours of the morning (not me! i stay too far!) and flip through case books that i must say, is thicker than those of normal standards.

I hate a good thursday and friday. Completely exhausted though. My bio clock is completely outta whack and wound up. Slept too early last night by my standards and I couldn't like sleep through the night. Which wasn't very good. Good thing though was the dream I had. I dreamt I really really fell in love with a cute, tall, nice boy at that. It's strange how you actually dream about these things when they really are, beyond your reach at the moment. Oh well. That said..made sleeping in a whole lot more bearable.

We went to Draculas on Thursday night. Kinda like Igor's - comedy cabaret. It was fun. The food was good but it was scary. ha. oh well.

In any case I hate this whole 2 hour ahead thing. Shucks and to think it took me 3 years to realise it.

A love and hate relationship.

In my life..i think there are many contradictions. My love for many things yummy, and my hate for being fat would be one of them. Another issue that I've got love and hate feelings for is being exhausted. See..exhaustion is one those things I love because I know I've worked very hard and my body is pushing the boundaries to keep up, yet on the other hand, I really hate it because it means that I should slow down (even if I don't want to). I don't like to slow down. I don't like to be doing only one thing at once. I like to be dabbling in everything, a foot here, an arm there. You know. Just trying, afterall, I can only be young and healthy at the same time once.

That said. I'm absolutely insanely exhausted. Whether it's physically or mentally, I don't know. what I know though is that the feeling is killing me. I really hate the way I'm feeling now, although the good thing about it all is that my body is screaming, "send me to bed, yanting!", the word "now" is just a whisper, but I think the volume is about to be significantly increased soon.

ugh.

I honestly, cannot wait to go home. Go back to Singapore. Yes. Yes. Yes. I think if this was march and I had to stay till November, I would seriously cry. yes. CRY. Sometimes, I don't know what I'm thinking anyway. I find it hard to be myself sometimes. (That said, I swear I have secretly an anti-social personality, and am in the midst of developing a host of other disorders which include depression.)

In any case, though depressing thoughts aside...I've started making my own pretty things. Please check it out here. Support me. Send your friends and spread the word

I've got a law ball to attend. on such a cold day somemore. Blimey.

Actually, no internet.

Yup. I told myself no internet tonight. Just bed and rest - school was utterly exhausting and could hardly think straight after working from 8 through till 5 with no break at all. But then I forgot that tonight was comedy cabaret night. Still though, I'm glad I got asked along and I decided NOT to back out of it because it was really fun and the experience was always..once in a lifetime.

John Mayer came in the mail today. Finally. I'm happy it's here. That said..I've come to the conclusion after choosing to be together with someone, regardless of the duration, a part of that person always, always stays with you when the relationship ends and people part for the countless reasons that one can possibility give

It's like how I really John Mayer as a musician (and I can't believe for NUTS that he's dating Jessica Simpson!), but then everytime I listen to John Mayer, I get reminded of how Mark used to play his cd in the car, and always, at those times, it would be raining. Raining cats and dogs. So whilst John Mayer really really absolutely rocks my socks off and I absolutely adore him, he puts me in the mood. Yup.

could be good, good be bad. I'm not sure

I'm just glad though...it's friday

up, up and away

Hmms. Haven't been feeling too myself lately. But wait then again, I've kinda lost touch what I really am. Depressed and I miss home. The weather hasn't exactly been the best perk-me-up either. It rained for the whole of today, today. yes. The whole day. It was dreary, wet and cry. And it's strange that it's summer. yes. hello summer. . It never rained like that, at least not that I can remember. I mean of course it did drizzle and all, but you couldn't see the rain physically, neither could you feel it (most of the times anyway!). Today though, umbrellas came out and my cousin's shoes got wet..yup that was hard it rained today. ooh well.

that said though..i got my hair cut. Yes. and I felt it was rather expensive simply because it never cost me more than 10 bucks to get it cut + the works in Singapore (the benefit of knowing your hairdresser!), but it felt good and it was enough to lift my spirits. Light head. Makes thinking easy. Not poofy. Makes not having to do anything to it..even better. ha.

well in any case, I ought to be writing/blogging/ranting at 2.10 in the morning, especially since I've got an 8am class tommorrow. It means that I get up at 6..so that leaves me with exactly 4 hours of sleep which means that I'll probably need more than one cup of caffeine tommorrow.

not good.

I want to have yong tau foo. COUZ!!!!!!

Alrighty-oh

So the trip is booked. And I'm already to go. Yes.

Gloria's coming in I say, 2 weeks. My mei mei in 3 or maybe 2 and a half.

Mid-sem's on the way. Exams are coming. Home is sooner than ever

I can't wait. I can't wait.

Now though, just a few glitches to get outta the way - say heaps of readings, tutorials, 2 assignments...ah. then it's time to play

wee. I can't wait.

today..i really really really miss home.